The more I think about it, the less I care – but the less I care, the more I think about it. Let me explain what I mean: There are people, or someone in specific, involved in your life that have no impact on you, neither negative nor positive. This person intervenes every once in a while, and every once in a while you intervene back. Relations may strike by boredom, and the fair share of stories and ideas keeps both of you temporarily aligned.
What keeps that alignment from falling is the physicality connection that’s held during your conversations. When encountered, the influence this person has is neutral, and you feel as if your day just started, but you wish it would just end. Cold feelings are transparent on each end, but neither dare to express it verbally. It’s an admiration on how companionship blended with friendship could last so long, because their isn’t a gram of a chance that true adoration would arise from either party – the invisible mutual agreement.
After a few conversations, say, shared over 12oz of cappuccino with leaflet biscuits, your mind starts the countdown. A countdown where 0:00 means “finally, the small talk is done”, and then it’s off to the races, our favorite sport. This race is powerful, pleasurable and intense, but with focused apathy. All participants are winners with very few words being exchanged, and even less eye contact – it’s an inseparable avoidance. They swim in the abyss of effortless waters, careless waves and hopeless shores.
It’s a thought that has no significance for me, but the less I care, the more my mind seeks out to rob me of my ambitions for true alignment. Scary.